Jeremy Clarkson shares his expectations of being a farmer at Christmas

The Clarkson’s Farm star shared his expectations for the ‘big day’ in an article he penned for The Sunday Times.

He admitted that, two years ago, he believed winter would be an “easy season” on the farm.

However, the reality has proven somewhat different for the Cotswolds farmer, partly, he said, because the “subsidy cheque is now smaller than a pre-war postal order and soon it’ll be even smaller than that”.

Jeremy described it as the season in which you “go out into the cold and rain and the mud and do all the unpleasant jobs you should have done in August”.

And, a lot of those jobs involve mending broken fences and gates – a skill he admitted he does not have!

Referring to hammers, he said, “I’ve never really understood how they may be used to drive a nail into a piece of wood”.

Indeed, Jeremy recalled an incident last year where he was “so fierce” with a hammer, he managed to knock a post out of the ground.

This won’t deter Jeremy from getting on with the task in-hand, however, as he explained to readers how the meaning of Christmas would be of no concern to his livestock on Diddly Squat, including the sheep who want to “escape and die every day of the year, or the cows who just like knocking fences down”.

On the topic of his new beef cows, he told of a time when they broke out and made their way to the A361 – two miles away.

Jeremy has accepted there is nothing he can do to stop a repeat of this on Christmas Day!

He revealed he has bought a scratching brush and other boredom-busting gadgets for his herd, but that animals can only be distracted for so long before they attempt to “walk through the fence again”.

“Even if I buy them some new trousers and the latest Call of Duty video game, they’ll be off and away into the village to eat all the local Hamishes’ Brussels sprouts,” Jeremy quipped.

On the off chance everything remains where it should on Christmas Day, there are still plenty of chores for everyone at Diddly Squat to be getting on with.

As for every farmer at Christmas, the animals still need to be fed, and once he has completed all of his jobs, Jeremy has predicted he will fall asleep with his face in his dinner!

Throughout 2021, Jeremy has flown the flag for British agriculture and picked up some farming accolades along the way.

His Amazon Prime show, Clarkson’s Farm, proved to be a huge hit with viewers and filming for season two is well underway.

If you missed the first season, or would like to watch it again over the festive holidays, it is still available on Prime.